though it certainly feels more real than it did even just a few hours ago, before I’d signed the paperwork and made it ~~official~~ but, as of November 25, I will be a staff writer at BuzzFeed.
The truth of it hit me as I left the office today, knowing that the next day I returned would be Day One, and, as usual, I have since been overwhelmed by feeeeeeeels: gratitude, exhilaration, anticipation, the requisite anxiety.
It will be good. I can feel it. I’m ready I’m ready I’m ready and now I just wait.
some consistent themes in my “what would i say” poetry.
I was surprised to start crying when I found out that Lou Reed died. There’s not much to say that won’t be said by millions of people over the next week and onward, but:
When I was 19 I “ran away,” which is to say that I put all of my clothes in the trunk of my car and drove to my best friend’s house upstate. I was crying those hysterical, heaving sobs when I decided to put on the Live in Italy CD, which I had bought at a popup sale at the Stony Brook Student Activites Center only a few weeks prior because I liked the Velvet Underground, so why not? It opened with Sweet Jane, and I remember slowly calming down as I drove over the Throgs Neck Bridge.
The crass and brilliant Lou Reed has been a constant in my life ever since, if infrequently revisited, reminding me at once of one of the most turbulent times in my life and this overriding peace. So this is a thank you.
In his memoir How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, a former editor at Vanity Fair named Toby Young quotes [Graydon] Carter as saying, “‘You think you’ve arrived … I hate to break it to you but you’re only in the first room. It’s not nothing— don’t get me wrong— but it’s not that great, either. Believe me, there are plenty of people in this town who got to the first room and then didn’t get any further.’”
Did he really say that? “A version of that, yes,” Carter says. And does he believe it? “I do,” he says. “It’s part of what makes a big city like New York effective. New Yorkers are constantly moving along and going to another stage. In a lot of societies, you get you car, your boat, your house. And then you stop. New Yorkers are constantly propelled to move on to the next thing. And that’s what makes the city a turbine of the culture.”
— 154 Minutes With Graydon Carter, New York Magazine.